Method #5: No More Mr. Nice Guy

You heard me, I’m doing away with my nice guy tendencies.  Well, not really…

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about past relationship failures and about my current situation with “Samira.”  In the past, I’ve both cursed my nice guy lifestyle and embraced it.  What I am starting to think now is that I need to distance myself from it without getting rid of it completely.

Dude with Red SweaterI’ve read a lot of advice from “pick-up artists” and “dating gurus” and the like and they all say that being a nice guy is a first class ticket to perpetual bachelorhood.  I have and continue to disagree.  Though I have yet to find relationship success being a nice guy, I am confident that it is possible.  And instead of swearing off my nice nature completely, I have decided to strive for a happy medium.

In reading advice from these dating experts as well as thinking back to my past, I have found that there are certain qualities that don’t make for good flirting.  First off, nice guys tend to get too desperate and ask a girl if she is interested in them.  The rational is, “I just have to know!”  It is true that the desire can be overwhelming, but it is important to hold back.

Women are not going to know if they are attracted to you right off the bat.  Many still believe in “love at first sight,” but it’s usually because the guy is doing something they find attractive.  The best thing to do is make a woman attracted to you rather than ask if she is.  If you ask, chances are she won’t be.  However, you have a lot more chance if you are the one in control.

Now that sounds awfully harsh, but “control” is a big factor.  Many dating experts will have you believe that this means manipulating or toying with the woman.  That’s one option, but I am going to try to beat the odds and remain a nice guy in doing this.  I agree with the experts that it is important to hold the woman’s interest.  If, after parting ways, she is still thinking about you, you’re doing something right.

So what do you do?  For starters, don’t put her in a position to say “no” to you.  In other words, don’t ask for a date, encourage or demand one.  You may be thinking, “that seems like something a jerk would do.”  You are totally right.  But now it is time for nice guys to realize how effective this tactic is and tweak it in such a way that it is less forceful and more, well, nice.

For example, don’t ask woman, “Would you like to get dinner with me?”  This makes it easy for the woman to simply turn you down or give an excuse.  A jerk might purposefully bump into a woman in a cafe and cause her to spill her drink, say, “You are so clumsy!  You nearly spilled your drink on me,” and follow up with, “You could make it up to me by joining me for dinner.”  This is a bit too sleazy.  A nice guy might instead notice that the woman is drinking a smoothie and say, “Have you tried the smoothies at ‘Smoothie World’?  They’re fantastic….  No?  Well, they have a number of great entrees as well.  I was actually thinking about going there for dinner tonight.  If you want to taste a real smoothie, you should join me.”

These examples are terribly cheesy, but they are meant to give you a general idea of what I’m talking about.  You might not want to go up to a random woman and start talking about her drink, but this might work in a situation like mine, for example, where you’re on good terms with the woman but want an excuse to take her out.  You can still be nice, but the woman would have to give an excuse as to why she can’t make it, versus turn you down outright.

And even if she turns you down, don’t stop there!  Say she’s busy and she can’t get dinner with you that night, then you might say, “Okay, but the next time you get a smoothie, remember how much you’re missing out and give me a call.”  Once again, don’t use my example word-for-word, but this is the general idea.  Plant a seed in her mind so the next time she goes to order a smoothie, she’ll think of you.  Success!

And hey, you didn’t even have to be a jerk about it.  Not only that, but you demonstrated a whole lot of confidence.  Like I said, this theory has not yet been tested (by me at least), so I can’t say for certain that it will work.  However, I can say for sure that it’s probably a whole lot more effective than begging for a date.

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Related posts:

  1. Method #3: Change Without Changing Yourself
  2. Method #4: Physical Contact
  3. Six Rumors About Nice Guys
  4. How to Lose A Guy in 10 Seconds
  5. Method #1: Approachability

December 14, 2009  Author: Street Saint  Tags: , , , ,   Posted in: Advice, Goals, Life Partner, Methods

One Comment

  1. quinn - December 15, 2009

    The nice guy problem is this is my opinion: When you are being nice you are constantly catering to the other persons wants and needs, while this can be gratifying for the for a bit it does not make you look like a strong, confident person. People are attracted to confidence and jerks appear confident by not seeming to care what other people think. So try and cultivate a gentel confidence to get the advantage of the jerk with out giving up the nice guy self.

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