Losing Faith

So I sent “Samira” a message asking her to meet up.  I had an entire plan made up in my mind with exactly what I would say when she responded.  I wanted to talk to her in person, but I rarely see her now.  I was pretty confident that everything would work out.  We might not end up together, but we’d at least see each other.  However, that was all dependent on her responding back.

Unfortunately, it’s been over 24 hours and I’ve still heard nothing from her.  Why does this happen?  Whenever I feel I’ve figured everything out, everything finds a way to slip out of my grasp.  All I needed was a response.  Any response would have been just fine.  Even if she said, “I hate you, leave me alone,” at least I’d know how she was feeling.  Now all I can do is speculate.

Though I’m sure she doesn’t hate me, this could be her way of subtly saying she is not interested in a relationship.  Unfortunately, if this is true, I am a guy and therefore, I can’t understand this type of subtlety.  However, any number of other reasons may be possible as well.  How could I be sure?

Because of this, I am losing faith that Samira and I will ever be together.  It pains me to even write it here, but I think I need to start moving on.  Not necessarily because I think she is ignoring me, but because I’ve been in this situation countless times before.  I plan things out that are foolproof except for one small possibility, but that possibility is exactly what becomes reality.  In this sense, I am letting this be a sign from the universe that I am wasting my time.  Although, I am also of the thinking that if Samira was truly interested like I thought she was, then she would have at least responded to me letting me know that she is way too busy right now.

It’s possible that she hasn’t checked her phone, or lost it, or something along these lines, but as I said, my luck doesn’t ever work in this way.  It may seem like I am being pretty absolute, but trust me, I have a lot of experience with these types of situations.  Besides, I am not completely writing Samira off because she didn’t get back to me, but the ball is in her court now.  She should know by now that I at least want to be closer friends, so she’ll have to take the next step if she wants that as well.

Like I said, I have a lot of experience with these situations, so here’s what I believe will happen next:  the next time I see Samira, she won’t even address the message that I left her.  If she does, she’ll give a decent excuse as to why she didn’t respond (“I’ve just been so busy, etc.”).  At that point, if I tried to ask her out despite this, there would be a super awkward moment where she goes on about how she’s not ready for a relationship right now, etc, etc.  “You’re a great guy, but… so on and so on…”  I’ll get super upset about it and she’ll feel really uncomfortable.

I’m going to bypass this by letting her do the work.  I might give her a leading statement/question, which gives her the opportunity to set something up with me (“I’m so glad I’m free this whole weekend”), and if she makes no effort to set something up with me, then that’s it.  It’s way too exhausting being the only one trying to make it work, and I’ve done it so many times just to find that I am wasting my energy.

It’s time, I’m afraid, to move on.  And with just over four months to go, I’m also losing faith that I will achieve my goal at all.

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December 18, 2009  Author: Street Saint  Tags: , ,   Posted in: Goals, Life Partner

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